Help Others Return to the Faith with 

Hold On_Tools
Hold On_Tools are articles and resource reviews to provide you with help coping with loved ones who have left the faith and to help you minister to them. These resources come from contributing authors who partner with Stand Firm Ministries like David Sanford.

Love No Matter What

Have you ever winced upon learning that a long-time friend has left your church? Even harder, did your friend appear to doubt much of what he or she used to believe about God, the Bible, Jesus Christ, the Church, and the Christian faith?

If so, how did you respond?

That’s a tough question to answer, isn’t it?

Over the years, after making almost every mistake in the book, I’ve discovered and enjoyed using 10 counter-intuitive yet powerful steps…with amazing, God-blessed results. So has each member of my immediate family. So have many in my church. I pray that’s your experience, too!

First, love your friend unconditionally.

Second, invite your friend to tell his or her story. When they do, just listen. Don’t ask questions. Don’t interrupt at all, except to quickly affirm that you’re actively listening.

Third, be unshockable. Truth be told, we’ve all broken the Ten Commandments, at least in our heart. Confession is good for the soul, so let your friend just talk. Don’t react to anything he or she says, no matter how ugly or angry. They’re not angry at you, even if it sounds that way. 

Fourth, after your friend has finished talking, remain quiet. Keep listening. While on business in Orlando I met a man named Leonard who poured out his heart to me. I didn’t say a word. I just kept listening intently. When he was done, I kept looking into Leonard’s angry, deeply hurt eyes and didn’t say anything. After a minute, with deepest sadness he said, “All I needed was hope and mercy.” What a profoundly haunting lament. Yet if I had started talking, I never would have heard what he needed.

Fifth, once your friend tells you what he or she needs, still don’t say anything. After Leonard told me, “All I needed was hope and mercy,” I remained quiet for another minute. I let my eyes do all the talking. His eyes and facial expressions began to soften and change. Only God’s love can do that. Then Leonard told me, “And by listening to my story, you’ve given me both.”

Sixth, whatever you do, don’t promise to meet your friend’s needs. Often they want to know the answer to their burning question, “Why?” You don’t know. Don’t even try to guess. Speculation will only ruin your credibility. 

Seventh, if you and your friend have a mutual friend who has a strong faith in Jesus Christ, explore the possibility of inviting that mutual friend to join you at some point in the future. If your friend can share his or her story with a second person, it’s often helpful. That mutual friend may be a pastor, a professor, a psychologist, or another respected Christian leader. Or that mutual friend may be an “ordinary” but wise individual you both know you can trust. 

Are you asking for their story?

Eighth, ask your friend if you can pray for him or her. If they’re in agreement, pray right then. Then remind them from time to time that you’re still praying for them. Prayer invites Jesus back into the picture. 

Ninth, at the right time invite your friend to read the Bible with you. Read one of the four Gospels together. As you read, pray that your friend will fall in love with Jesus again. 

Finally, stay in touch with your friend no matter what. Your friendship can’t be contingent on whether or not your friend comes back to faith in Jesus Christ. That’s up to Him, not you. You may have to hang in there for years before your friend re-embraces faith. No problem. 

Never give up on your friendship. True, some will walk away. But never let it be said that you walked away.

 

Editor’s Note: You’re welcome to share these 10 steps with your church. Just be sure to “give honor where honor is due” (Romans 13:7), starting with recognizing the author and source, of course!

 

David Sanford is an author and speaker. His latest book, Loving Your Neighbor: Surprise! It’s Not What You Think, is available wherever good books are sold. His professional biography is posted online at www.linkedin.com/in/drsanford. His personal biography includes his wife, Renée, their five children, and twelve grandchildren (including one in heaven).

 

 

 

 

 


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What’s Your Story

By inviting a friend, neighbor, or acquaintance to tell his or her story, we learn more than a set of facts. If we listen carefully, we end up learning how they think, feel, and relate to others.

Even more importantly, a bond is formed when we resist the temptation to talk and instead simply hear that person’s story, no matter how long it is. Yes, it may mean missing your next appointment.

Yet something very deep happens, between that person and me, once I’ve heard his or her story. I get glimpses of God’s fingerprints all over his or her story. It doesn’t always mean I’ll have the opportunity to introduce and eventually hook their interest in God’s stories. Then again, that’s often what happens.

The crazy thing? Nobody ever asks, “What’s your story?” So, many people are caught off guard, and may put up an initial defense. But if you keep smiling, allow for silence, and then ask again, many will begin.

So, never hesitate to ask the most beautiful of questions.
 
 

Editor’s Note: You’re welcome to share this article with your church. Just be sure to “give honor where honor is due” (Romans 13:7), starting with recognizing the author and source, of course!

 

David Sanford is an author and speaker. His latest book, Loving Your Neighbor: Surprise! It’s Not What You Think, is available wherever good books are sold. His professional biography is posted online at www.linkedin.com/in/drsanford. His personal biography includes his wife, Renée, their five children, and twelve grandchildren (including one in heaven).

 

 

 

 
 
 
 

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